My baby boy is one today. It’s simultaneously a year that feels as if it’s dragged on forever and flashed by in an instant. It was – and I don’t say this lightly – the hardest year of my life. We got much more than we bargained for with this little one. Much more crying, much more sleepless nights… much more love.
The birth was thrilling, but also one I’m not eager to do again anytime soon. I think exhaustion has been the hardest thing to deal with this year, that and trying to do everything else too. But, oh what joy. I just melt inside thinking of the joy he brings in my life. So it’s been hard, and character building. And this post is dedicated to him.
Journaled at 7 Weeks
You are the embodiment of everything beautiful in my life. You are sweet and peaceful, thoughtful and content. You began smiling at me about a week ago, and though you don’t smile ALL the time like Eli did, you seem to have a distinct look of intention and focus behind your smile, and it’s so endearing. The first week you were born you would lock eyes with me and your gaze was so intense. You seem to have such depth and personality already at your young age. Your eyes are deep blue and your toes are always flexed when you are awake, almost like you can’t relax.
You are very strong. Sometimes we will find you turned a 180 from where we set you down – you can maneuver around quite well for an infant! You can also hold your head up by yourself if I’m holding you upright. It’s very impressive! One time you even nose-dived off my pillow to try and retrieve your pacifier…and you succeeded.
Journaled at 4 Months
You still eat 4-5 times a night, and every 2-3 hours in the day – which wears me out, but I really don’t mind too much. Your joy is expressed with your entire body, it starts in your eyes, then creeps down to your mouth, and then your arms and legs join in. Sometimes you look at me so happy and your eyes water…which inevitably makes me tear up too. In the rare occasion that we get to nap at the same time, you like to touch my face all over and then fall asleep. You have developed the cutest dimple in your left cheek despite the baby fat that’s been stored there. It shows every time you smile. I hope it stays. Eli has been interacting with you more and you love it. You seem to have already idolized him as your big brother. You love to watch and be involved with whatever he is doing. He is great at helping with your diaper and always says, “whoooaaa” just like I do. Haha!
Journaled at 9 Months
All within the last two weeks you’ve started crawling, saying mama and pulling up to a stand. In public, EVERYONE comments on your gorgeous blue eyes, and I’ve been told more than once that they just sparkle.
Journaled at 10 Months
The other morning I woke up with your cute little baby foot about an inch or two from my face. It was awesome. Your feet are so cute. You’ve been sick with an ear infection for several days. So if I thought we were joined at the hip before, this week has pretty much soldered us together. All you want to do is cuddle cuddle cuddle. I don’t mind, I love holding you. Your brother minds though. I don’t think he likes the extra attention you are getting. Changing your diaper sometimes takes two people, one to wrestle you down one to slap the diaper on your bum. Yes, now I can mark the one off the list “let a 10 month old get the best of me.”
Unfortunately you still aren’t a good sleeper. Waking up 2-3 sometimes 4 times a night still. And you started this new thing where you just roll and thrash your body around until you or I finally succumb to what you want (nursing or pacifier). I get a good laugh out of playing chase and hide and seek with you around our couches. This is the most fun. I get a little jump out of you every time I come around the corner you aren’t expecting. And giggles. Lots of giggles. It’s funny feeding you. I’ll set something yummy in front of you and you grab it by the fist full and shove it all in your mouth. Sometimes you use two fists. And then, if I bring something else that you think is yummier, you throw down or spit out whatever you are eating to make way for the new, more yummy stuff. When you don’t get what you want, it’s like the world is ending. You throw your head back and raise your arms and cry BIG tears then throw your self back or forward without caring about the consequences. Sometimes you even bang your head against the floor repeatedly. Aren’t you too young to be doing this? I think so, but you’ve seen your big brother do it plenty of times, so I guess you had a good teacher.
I feel like 75% of the time I’m watching you, you have something in your mouth, or you are about to put something in you shouldn’t, or I’m fishing multiple things out. You are so fearless. You do things that make me so nervous, and I really can’t keep you out of my sight for too long. That and your brother pesters you alot. You like to be right in the middle of things, in the thick of the action. You don’t like being on the sidelines. So that bothers your brother alot, but he will get used to it. You still cry ALOT. Anytime I put you down in your crib, you cry. Anytime I put you down at all, for any reason (and walk away), there is a good chance you will cry. You just still like being right by me or being held by me. It’s exhausting, but you know, I love you so much I would never ever wish it away. I’m just glad I have the time margin to be able to baby you while you are still a baby.
Abe, you are so loved. Happy Birthday my sweet boy!